nakasomethingkun:

I don’t even know where I was going with this and I don’t think it’s what you had in mind but I hope it will suffice.

CW: Past child abuse

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It starts, as some things in Neil’s life tend to do, with Andrew and the Maserati.

After a problem with the engine and a visit to the mechanic’s, Andrew’s decided that it would be best to invest in a new car instead of in the upkeep of the old one.

“A change is as good as a rest,” he says, echoing a distant memory of Neil’s.

“I don’t think that means what you think it means,” Neil replies, almost on reflex.

His mind has forgotten it, but his body hasn’t. The way it stills, preparing for a slap to the cheek, the sting that lasts the whole night, the automatic I’m sorry, mom for the insolence, for the nascent backtalk, for doubting that it was time for an identity change.

Mom - mother - of course I’ll do whatever you say. Mother, of course I will.

Mama, he used to call her.

Abram, she used to say. She used to say it all the time, until she didn’t. He used to hear it all the time, until he didn’t.

She wasn’t there to say it.

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